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Sunday, March 6, 2016

Anecdote for D.D. Chapter 1 Page 4

I lived on that street for a while. We eventually ended up moving and moving the trailer that we had lived in from Elkhart. I didn't live at my grandpa's house the entire time. There was this trailer out in the middle of nowhere. I never seen houses close to the house. It was a strange place we didn't live there for long I seldom remember much happening there. Just very negative memories that are probably a bit too much to write about. I do remember having a somewhat first memory of christmas day that I can remember. And it was on this day I couldn't forget the song that played on my mother's oriental music box he gifted her.

The original music box
The original music box looks exactly like the one above. It has a secret compartment below the dancing ballerina. I found out after so many years until last year that the song is the Godfather Love Theme song. It is very interesting to hear it played in a music box but it is definitely a tune I never forgotten. Which to this day I don't know why I remember such a thing from a very long time ago. If I seem to remember anything from in between these pages then I'll add it in. I know there are quite a few stories I have left out for the intents and purposes that it's too graphic to be writing about for anyone else to read. It has come to my understanding that some things are better off left unsaid. Unfortunately the unsaid and unspoken of memories cannot be forgotten. I wish to not remember many of them. My memory hasn't failed not forget one thing but everything. When we had lived there in town was where I bet my pixie bob Alvar. He was very protective of me and followed me home everyday after school. This older couple were the owners of Alvar. He was the most loving and protective cat I have ever met in my life. He was like a dog and walked me home everyday. I remember the day that his owners gave us Alvar. It was a very bittersweet day. I remember them saying that they aren't getting any younger and they felt they weren't going to be around for very long to continue caring for Alvar and that was their reasoning behind gifting us Alvar. I felt sad but Alvar didn't seemed moved by it. It was also because instead of going home to them he always ended up coming home to us. And they felt sad that Alvar never came home and they always wondered why he was gone often for so long.

So we ended up moving to a trailer park out of town. The trailer home we had lived in from Elkhart got moved to this trailer park so all we had to do was rent and pay the lot we were living on. It was here that I began to realize how cruel the world was. That I was no longer going to be a child. That even adults can act like children and get away with it. It was here that I was assaulted on many occasions and I was bullied even by my relatives. And that no matter how old you are or how old anyone else is that they will look at you differently and to me this was also the first time I experienced being sexually harassed on many occasions by men old enough to be my grandpa. It was very disturbing. I tried to stay in large groups with the kids that would get together to play after school and with my relatives as much as I was bullied by them I thought I would be safer if I stayed around them. As much to their dismay and knowing that some of them didn't like me I would be smart to stick around with them. That was when I met my first cousin and we begin our never ending friendship. She always was the biggest bully growing up and did some things that would be considered hazing to many. I also believe that at one point when I stayed at her house she had told me I was roofied and sexually assaulted and that many people were there that night watching me in a state of undress. I was vaguely told the details of that night and I never knew if she was making it up. My parents never approved of me staying the night there. Very seldom did my father approve of me staying there possibly because me and my cousin stayed up very late at night and kept my Uncle awake and he wasn't very happy about it. As this trailer park was when I first experienced a tornado happening. An Uncle from my father's side of the family. He was my cousin's uncle but for the sake of his age and out of respect we always called him our Uncle when we saw him. He protected us from a tornado. It turned into a waterspout and it formed right behind the house. There was this giant puddle of water it crossed into because my Uncle forgot to turn the water faucet off and it turned into a waterspout but it didn't last for very long cause I remember it going away very fast. My first cousin, her Uncle's children were her cousins and I didn't get along with the youngest one. She didn't like me. She got into fights with me often. I remember I accidentally kicked her in the face on the schoolbus because I couldn't sit still and we were playing around until I kicked her in the face and she became very angry. It was a routine to come over everyday after school to their house. My younger sister got along with her the most. And this time something was different. The entire family all stood outside in front of their house waiting for me. And when I finally came over they held me down while she kicked me very hard. I left their house crying and telling my mother. My mother wasn't very emotionally supportive for anything growing up. She had said I deserved it and that I had no business going over to their house anyway. I stopped going after that happened.

Sometimes my cousin stopped bullying me and geared that attention towards my younger sister. She was oblivious to it for the longest time because she was too young to understand that the pranks we did and sometimes we took it too far. But it was all fun and games to everyone else. I was the passive bystander because I myself didn't know what to do and even if I tried to stop them I would probably been held down again and beat up for trying to stop them. In their defense I was constantly told it was to help me grow thick skin because I was too sensitive. But that wasn't what gave me thick skin. There were far worse things done to me behind closed doors. Going to school and being bullied by everyone else was just a day off for me. It was a way to avoid it all so I constantly tried to be over visiting someone for a very good reason.

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